Einige Witze für euch!

Ups, hatte nach Chilli und Test gesucht und nix gefunden...

Zitat

Original geschrieben von Boogieman
Die Suche nicht zu vergessen... unter Holländer, Deutscher, Tunnel sollte sich was finden lassen

Unter Chili und Texas auch...

Klick

Ich weiß, ich weiß, wer im Glashaus sitzt...

An Elephant Never Forgets

Incredible story about an elephant's memory.

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.
While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young Bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out With his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The
elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail.
The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and Made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around
one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

This probably wasn't the same elephant.

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home,having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a large box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all , over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

...Uncle Milty and The Marx Brothers were having a few drinks in the Polo Lounge in the Beverly Hill Hotel. Now the story goes that it was a known fact around Hollywood that the size of Milton's manhood was legendary. That he was heavily endowed, (Hungadinga?) and that there was a standing one hundred dollar bet for anyone that could out distance him in a contest. So, the lads are having their drinks and this stranger walks up to Milton and Groucho and claims to have the biggest show in town and challenges Milton to a contest. At this point Groucho says, "Well whip it out". So the guy pulls it out right there in the bar. Milton and Groucho study this guy's entry for a moment and then your uncle utters to Milton one of the greatest one liners of all time, "Just pull out enough to win"!

Quelle source: marxmemories.com

Top 8 Liebessprüche von VWLern

8. Du erhöhst meinen Zins um dreissig Basispunkte ohne das Vertrauen der Verbraucher zu dämpfen.
7. Trotz einem Jahrzehnt Inflation, liebe ich noch immer deine Angebotskurve.
6. Wie wär's: Wollen wir unsere Kreuzelastizität nachmessen?
5. Weitere Stimuli könnte in unkontrolliertem Wachstum münden.
4. Sag mir ob meine Erwartungen rational sind.
3. Nehmen wir an wir wären im Vier Jahreszeiten mit 'ner Flasche Moet.
2. Du belebst die tierischen Triebe meines Marktes.
1. Ein Laib Brot, ein Krug Wein und Du neben mir während wir 'Der Markt am Mittag' schauen.

(Pat Marren)

A guy was married 30 years, he took a look at his wife one day and said,
"Honey, 30 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a cute 25-year-old.

"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 55-plus year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding
up your side of things."

His wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told him to go out and find a cute 25-year old, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and
sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis.

Italian stallion

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

Und ich dachte am Anfang noch: "Warum schreibt denn der nicht auf Deusch..."
Jetzt beim letzten Witz ists mir klar, der würde auf Deutsch nicht funktionieren